Examining the impact of financial gaslighting

Financial gaslighting is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation that involves controlling or undermining someone’s perception of their financial reality. This type of abuse can manifest in various ways, such as one partner hiding assets, lying about expenses, or restricting access to bank accounts in a relationship. The victim might be led to believe they are irresponsible with money or incapable of managing financial matters independently. Over time, financial gaslighting can severely impact the victim’s confidence and autonomy, leading to significant emotional and financial distress. It’s essential for individuals who suspect they are being financially gaslighted to seek support from trusted professionals and gather evidence of their financial transactions to counteract the manipulation.

“Financial gaslighting manifests in relationships with friends or partners who become super close or lovebomb you because it’s thrilling and exciting. You may not notice how unbalanced this relationship is, especially regarding money. Your friend or partner may spend more on you than others have in the past or seem very generous because they have coupons or free tickets to events. They may even brag that they are great with their money. They may start by comparing, ‘You only make so much money, but I make WAY more.’ Making more money than you doesn’t mean they know more about you than you, as this is a financial falsehood,” shares Finance Coach Jeannie Dougherty. “They might even ask at the last minute for you to “keep up with them.” Meaning you pay for meals, events, and their rent. Sometimes, they push for a flat rate of “Even-Steven” for everything. If they eat more, spend more, and ask for you to pay for more than you can afford, how is this even?”

Financial abuse, which includes behaviors typical of financial gaslighting, occurs in approximately 99% of domestic violence cases, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence. This suggests that financial gaslighting might be similarly prevalent. Victims of such abuse face severe long-term consequences, including damaged credit scores, restricted access to money, and hindered employability, making it difficult to leave abusive situations and secure financial independence. Additionally, financial abuse spans across all socio-economic, educational, and cultural backgrounds, though certain demographics may be more at risk, particularly those economically dependent on their partners. Despite growing awareness, financial gaslighting remains less understood and significantly underreported compared to other forms of domestic abuse, highlighting a pressing need for more focused research and data collection to fully grasp its impact and prevalence.

What are common signs that someone might be experiencing financial gaslighting?

“You seemed dumbstruck more than once a week by the surprise turn of events that forced you to panic as you checked your bank account to cover a bill or handle an immediate request for money. You may have been swayed that they were “good for it” if you lent them money ahead of your paycheck, or worse, you have dipped into your savings or retirement accounts to cover their expenses. The financial gaslighter may also insist that they be in control of the money. Unfortunately, you can lose more than your credit score if it’s not a partnership, and you need to know when the bills are due or have proof that they have been paid on time. Some financial gaslighters will steal people’s identities and open credit cards or get loans in their names without their permission,” says Dougherty.

According to Dougherty, there are some warning signs to look out for when it comes to financial gaslighting:

1. Your special someone who wants to pay for everything.

2. They always want to split the check, but it’s not a 50/50 bill; they eat and drink more. 

3. You notice when you have money to go to parties, events, or trips, they don’t. They will make up excuses and want you to “cover them.” 

Financial gaslighting is a serious and manipulative form of abuse that operates by distorting the victim’s perception of their own financial competence and control. This abuse can be subtle or overt, but it consistently undermines the victim’s financial stability and self-assurance. As financial gaslighting often occurs alongside other forms of emotional and psychological abuse, its impacts can be deeply damaging, leading to a loss of financial independence and self-esteem. Recognizing the signs of financial gaslighting is crucial for victims and their support networks, enabling timely intervention and support.